Emotional Knowledge Part 1

     Tomorrow is/would have been the due date of our second baby. It's hard for me to think that it's been nine months already and almost a year since I found out about the first pregnancy and the possibility that I might have cancer. I feel like I've been through a lot of things over the past year but some part of me is still stuck in the past. It's a real struggle for me to be "normal" every day when part of my mind wants me to go into the dark and unfinished nursery, huddle in the corner, and cry myself to dehydration.

     This sounds very dramatic but it's real and honest. Opening myself up and giving advice based on what I've learned is a big part of healing for me. That's why this post and the next will be about birth control and periods. MEN. Please don't leave yet because the birth control portion is important for you as well. You can go ahead and excuse yourself from Part 2 because that's where I'll write about all the stuff you don't want to read about.

     Let me start by saying that I've always had liver disease. Liver tumors are not uncommon in people with cirrhosis. However, over three years or being on the birth control Nuva Ring I went from zero tumors to....well a lot. I recently read the doctor's report on the exploratory surgery I had in April. It said, "LIVER APPEARANCE: Innumerable tumors of unknown composition." Innumerable...as in too many to count via a camera looking directly at my liver. That's unsettling to say the least. A quick Google search will reveal that the Nuva Ring has a bad habit of causing mysterious liver tumors. It could be a coincidence but the fact remains that flooding your body with hormones is risky business. Birth control for women is not very safe but since it's seen as "necessary" the risks are ignored. The few types of birth control being researched for men are quick, easy, and virtually risk free. You can read about two of them here and here. The only hormone free birth control for women is Paragard, which I have, and it was/is extremely painful among other things. Sadly, this is the only option left to me in my state of health excluding condoms or my husband to having to go through a 20 year old vasectomy procedure that may or may not be reversible. Any conception would result in the loss of another child or risking my own life to try and carry to 3/4 term. In summary, MEN, please support research and development for male birth controls. They are receiving too little attention and are far too important to be ignored but will never succeed if you refuse them. Put your wife/girlfriend in my shoes.

     If you're looking for a hormone free birth control and have good insurance I would recommend Paragard but otherwise it might not be worth the risk. If you are one of the people it never gets less painful for that's $700 down the drain. Birth control is an extremely sexist branch of medicine and it leaves women who already have health problems at high risk for things like cancer, increased blood loss and even death. Do me a favor and share this information with one other person this week. Most people don't even know that these options could exist and knowledge is the first step!

     See you tomorrow for Part 2!

     “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson